I inherited four really big pictures of Jesus–they are the 4 gospels of Jesus and the image of Jesus is created by the words of the gospels. Word pointillism if you will.
These pictures have been moving through the house as I still try and figure out where to put things after our move. One picture in particular I like and it says
“Who do you say that I am?”
I look at it as one of those conversation starters–Jesus asking me, really asking me–who do I say that he is and how do I express that. Will my actions reflect that I had this conversation at all?
The other way that I read this is “who do I say that I am–now?” Lately, I have been referring to myself in the past tense. I used to play basketball, I used to run 1/2 marathons, I used to quilt, I used to have 3 dogs, I used to have my own business, and the list goes on and on. If feels somewhat strange to look at my life as it was and even try to compare to where I am now.
I look at my life now and minimize the fact that I do breakfast, lunch and dinner, laundry–sorted, folded and put away (at least once a week), my house is clean for about 1 hour a week, and I spend the rest of the time with my kids. That is a lot of stuff to keep up with and in my happy heart I know that it is enough.
Then I see the skinny mom at the gym, the business mom making the deal, insert any mom doing anything that is NOT what I am doing–and then I hear those words “who do you say that I am?” and I wonder about so many things: do they wish they were home?, wish they could run a 1/2 marathon, make awesome whoopie pies, do they spend as much time as I do thinking about what they were and where they are going?
During this Lent I have been striving to live more intentionally. I want to stop thinking about what I was and what I hope to be (by swimsuit season) and live in the NOW. Enjoy the moment as it is not what it will be or should be or could have been.
I find it difficult to have such a busy schedule and still live with intention. It is all a work in progress with starting being the hardest step.
Thank you God for this season of Lent, a season to pause, a season to take a long hard look at what dying on the cross means for us individually. Help me understand that where I have been, what I thought I was, or hoped to become has brought me to this moment. Help me to live each day to the fullest and not define myself by what was, but what is yet to become.